Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

Letting Go

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I don't know if I can help, but if I reach the heart of one person, I will feel better than I do now!

I am in my early twenties and two years ago, I found myself pregnant. I love children and cannot wait to be a mother ... but I was taken up in the idea that I wouldn't be able to give up my baby for adoption, and I knew I couldn't raise a child in the situation I was in. I was living with a man that I knew I wasn't happy with and I knew it was wrong, no matter how you look at it. I let him help me to believe that abortion was the best way to deal with the situation.

I grew up in a Christian home and have always been a pro-life advocate! I thought abortion was the worst thing in the world you could ever do ... and you know the sad thing? I still feel this way, only now, I have to live with the regret that I had an abortion. I carried a child in my womb for 9 weeks. Do you realize that at 9 weeks, you can see the child's eyes, spinal cord, heart, fingers are starting to form ... I have to live with this for the rest of my life. I know there are many, many people out there that think you can have an abortion and just forget about it the next day. It doesn't work like that. It has been two years and I am still grieving and completely guilt-ridden! I have asked God's forgivness, and I know that Jesus died on the cross to save us for our sins and I know God has forgiven me ... but I am in agreement with "It Changed My Life Forever" when she says the hardest thing is to forgive yourself! I wish I could. I have tried so hard to let this go, and know that my child is in Heaven and I will eventually meet him/her ... someday. But right now, while I am here, I live with the regret, the guilt, the absolute disgust with myself, and though I am working on forgiving myself, I know I will never forget!

If I can keep one girl/woman from going through what I went through and am going through, I will feel as though I have really done something worthwhile! I am getting married in the near future, to a wonderful, unbelieveable man. He knows of my abortion and he loves me unconditionally. He told me that he would have fallen in love with me even if I had a child, but he loves me even though I had an abortion! It surprises me sometimes! I hope this helps someone!

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Posted 12 Sep 2000.

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