Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

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I want to tell my story for the first time. I hope I am able to help someone.

I had just turned 18, and was near the end of my senior year in high school. I got pregnant by the 20-year-old boy renting a room next door. I'd had sex before with a previous boyfriend who was very caring and we were responsible and always used protection. But this new boy did not, things really got out of hand, and I just knew I had gotten pregnant right then. Four weeks later my pregnancy test was positive.

I want you to know that before this I was pro-life. But when I found out I just panicked, I didn't even know the boy that well, and I didn't get along with my mother, so I panicked. The boy had given me speed during that time and I was very concerned that it "ruined" the baby. The boy took me for counseling at a clinic, and I was shown how abortion worked and which nurse they would have with me during my procedure. So it was scheduled the morning after my high school graduation ceremonies. My boyfriend and my mom were fighting over who would drive me and who would pay. At that point I was so numb I didn't care. So they were both there for the procedure, but out in the waiting room. They sedated me and I was somewhat aware of some of the noise, like the suction machine. I was done and started just crying and the big nurse practically picked me up and said this baby will come back to you when you are ready. Well, I didn't really believe that, but at least she was hugging me.

I went home and was supposed to rest and then life goes on as normal. Wrong. I cried myself to sleep at night, grieving over the child and what I had done. I felt it was so wrong and that I could not be forgiven. I went into my first depression, but didn't know that is what it was. Then I went through a stage that I felt I was a murderer -- talk about lowering your self-esteem.

One day about 10 years later a girl who worked in the office next to mine and said she had to say something that might seem strange, but that it was a message from the Lord. She said "he knows all the tears you have cried and you are forgiven" Well, that was a miracle because she knew nothing of my situation. I was so thankful to hear the message she brought to me. That message gave me a chance to move a little further from the bad feelings. But this came years after I had cried every night.

My advice to you is not to do it. Do not have an abortion, and then think of the options of adopting the baby out (a very good alternative) and knowing what a wonderful gift you gave your baby.


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Posted 12 Sep 2000.

Copyright 1998. Anonymous. Used with permission.
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