Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

It's Already Too Late

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I was 16. I was scared. I was stupid. I wasn't thinking. I killed my baby so as not to disrupt my life. I was so selfish. If only, I could go back ...

In Pennsylvania, it is illegal to have an abortion under the age of 18 without parental acknowledgement, so my boyfriend took me to New Jersey for the procedure. I found out I was pregnant Thursday, my boyfriend made the appointment Friday, and Saturday was the last day of my world. I am not the same person. I hate myself. I hate me. I punish myself. I want to have closure but I don't want to have closure. If only, I could go back ...

Often, I find myself lying awake, paralyzed with fear. "Should I keep it or abort it? Keep?? Abort???" Only to realize it's already too late. I've already made the decision. I've already killed my baby.

That was a year ago. Things have changed. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me 2 weeks later. I used to be a Christian and now I'm too scared to believe in God. It's easier to run away then to face the past. I have trouble being around newborns. I have an obsession with pregnant women. I hear a baby crying in the night. I look for her, but I can never find her.

I carried my baby for 7 weeks and 6 days. I didn't read up on its development before the abortion and the counselor told me it was just a sack of cells. They didn't tell me my baby had a heart. She had a little heart ........

I wish I could move on. My life is not worth living.

Please don't have abortions ... Please!!! If you could only feel my emptiness, my pain, my guilt, I know you wouldn't. I beg of you. Please don't.

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Posted 12 Sep 2000.

Copyright 1998. Anonymous. Used with permission.
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