Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

Faith and Hope

by Alex M.
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My name is Alex, I'm currently 27, married with 3 children.

My story begins in January 1991 when I became very sick with what I was sure was the simple flu. My boyfriend (now my husband of more than 7 years) took me to the doctor because I just couldn't shake whatever it was I had. Approximately 2 hours later we found out I was around 2 months pregnant.

Needless to say we were more scared than we had ever been.

We were both 19 at the time, in college (we graduated high school in 1989 -- myself Valedictorian), and both expected to go very far in life. I was also having quite a bit of trouble with my parents because they really didn't care for Steve. All that said, we were faced with the most frightening choice we had ever and have since ever had to deal with, especially since I was brought up strong Catholic and had always opposed abortion with all my heart.

Later that afternoon I had my first ultrasound to determine exactly how far along I was. At this point we were beginning to think of any option we possibly had, but all that came to mind was "Why us? Why now?"

Throughout the next month we made up are minds and changed our minds at least a thousand times. We didn't want to throw our lives away after all that we had worked for, neither did we want to cause any more tensions with my family.

The month quickly drew to an end, and we made our decision and an appointment.

The previous day I was sicker than normal (which is very very sick), but I was sticking to my decision, I couldn't afford to give up my life. That night I fell asleep and woke up early the next morning after the most vivid dream I had ever had. This dream has changed my life forever. The surroundings in the dream were pitch black, I was standing center stage in what appeared to be a spotlight. There was this little boy tugging on my skirt. All he said, over and over, was "Mommy, please don't hurt me."

I fully awoke and just shook off the dream, not truly believing. I went to my appointment, went through the counseling, and was led into the room. I undressed, got up on the table, and placed my feet up into the stirrups. The doctor began to place the instruments inside me, when I heard the voice again. I closed my legs immediately and began crying. I couldn't do it.

Steve and I were married 2 weeks later (in the Church), and our son Nicholas (who with the grace of God had spoken to me just 2 months earlier) was born July 12, 1991 5 weeks early (but in better shape than I was).

Nicholas is now 7, has a 5 year old sister Alli,and a 16 month old baby brother Joshua. Steve and I have struggled throughout these years, but have always made ends meet. We have both managed to achieve our dreams even without college, Steve a computer programmer, and myself a graphic artist. We have never been happier or more fulfilled.

There are still times when I look at Nick and tears come to my eyes and the most horrible pain to my heart, and I wonder how I could have ever considered what I had almost done. I don't think I will ever get over the pain.

I hope this story of my life can be useful and help someone, because I know there is hope where there is faith and trust in God.

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Posted 12 Sep 2000.

Copyright 1998 by Alex M. Used with permission.
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