Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

I'll Have a Baby One Day

by Natasha E.
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April 10, 2008. That was the day I had my abortion. I was four weeks pregnant with some odd days.

After a trip to PetsMart with my boyfriend, he reminded me that I was a week late. When we got home I took a home pregnancy test. Two, because I wanted to make sure I was reading it right. Two lines -- one a little skinnier then the other. My boyfriend was so happy. I knew he wanted it, and he told me he was actually trying to get me pregnant since I had then been off birth control for a month. (Never trust the pull-out method.) He was supposedly leaving for the Marines, he wanted me pregnant when he returned so we could start a family. I being 24, with a lousy job and still currently in school working on my degree, did not want a baby and cried when I found out I was pregnant.

The day came when he was suppose to ship out, sign his papers and leave. I got a call -- he didn't go. We had said if I kept it he'd know when he saw me in three months. It was a big decision and he supported whatever I did. I didn't want it. I made the appointment at a women's clinic, we had just quit our jobs and I told them I didn't have much money. They answered my prayers when they said I could call a number and they would pledge half if I needed it. They were a life saver and suddenly the big amount of money I was worried about wasn't so bad.

April 10th 2008, my boyfriend got me breakfast that day and took me to the clinic. It was down a back alley, the main door was. The alley was lined with protestors handing out Bibles and pictures of unborn babies. I told him to roll up the windows not to talk to them. I told my boyfriend to come back for me later, I wanted him to wait with me, I wanted him to be there,but I knew since he did want the baby it would be to hard for him. I took a big breath and walked in by myself. I checked in, and filled a bunch of paperwork. When it was finally my turn they took me back to a room, gave me two pills for the pain, and did my sonogram. My baby was a month old. I wanted to see the picture, I wanted it printed out, but I couldn't bring myself to say it, so I just know she was a month old. They took my blood and lead me to another waiting room. This is were I talked with a counselor. I asked since I was getting the procedure done so early was there a chance that something might go wrong and I wouldn't be able to have babies later in life. She showed me a tube similar to what they'd be using and let me know that something that serious going wrong is highly unlikely and mostly happens with doctor who don't know or have never done abortions before. She let me know that the doctor would give me three shots in my cervix to numb it. Then I went to the procedure room. I was told to take off all my clothes except for my socks, it was cold.

The nurse came in and gave me some laughing gas, which felt wonderful. Soon the doctor came in and introduced himself. I told him not to tell me when he'd give the shots. At first I didn't feel them. The last two, felt like a pinch, a hard pinch. He gave me about 6 if I remember correctly. The procedure only lasted about 5 minutes. It did hurt, but not enough for me to scream. Just hold my sheets really tight and wish they'd turn up the laughing gas. It feels like really bad cramping, like when you have to go poop for a really long time and your stomach starts to hurt. He even put in a Nuva Ring for me. This way I would be on birth control again. Afterward I put my clothes on and the pad they told me to bring. They took me into the recovery room, sat me in a big leather seat, and gave me some gingerale and some cookies. After 10 minutes they told me to check my pad because some girls would bleed a lot. I didn't, I was lucky. I stayed in there about 30 minutes.

I had called my boyfriend when I first went in to the recovery room. This way he'd be outside waiting for me. They let us fill out little hearts saying thank you, about so nice and making a hard experience easier. And they did. Before I left they gave two prescriptions, both filled out there, one for cramping which is a lot stronger than midol, and another to prevent infection. When I left I got into my boyfriend's car and cried. I was sad. I didn't have my baby anymore. For those few weeks we had a family, I ate whatever I wanted, he held my belly, and at night the last thing I thought about was my baby. But I knew no matter how much you want a baby, raising a baby, a child, and a teenager is even harder with no money.

It's August 31st, I'd be 5 months and 3 weeks pregnant right now, 23 weeks total. I don't regret what I did. I'll have a baby one day. And that time I'll cry with joy.

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Posted Sept 2, 2008

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