Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

One day I'll tell them why

by Laura
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I was 8 weeks pregnant, and 17 years old. I already had a 6 month old daughter, I did not know how I would cope with another baby. I was scared and alone, I knew that it would not be fair to bring another baby into the world when I had post-natal depression and could hardly look after my daughter. I booked an appointment at an abortion clinic, and went for the first appointment, where they did a scan, and found out I was carrying twins. I knew from then that it would be tough looking after three children, let alone one. I was sad that I had to abort my babies because I always wanted a big family, but I knew that it would not be fair, on them or my daughter. So I booked another appointment to have the abortion, and spoke to a councellor first, so they could make sure that it was my choice, and I was in the right state of mind. They then gave me a pill to swallow, which would stop my babies hearts beating. I took the pill, and drove home, lay down on my bed and cried my heart out. These were my babies I was killing. I fell asleep, and when I woke it was time to collect my daughter from my mum's, so I went to collect her. I held her so close. I knew I was doing the right thing for her. The nest day, I went to the clinic again, and I was given 4 pills to insert into my vagina which would cause my cervix to contract and for me to miscarry the babies. Again I drove home, to my mum's this time and took two parecetamols and layed down on the sofa. I began to feel pain, like a period pain, I prayed to god to look after my babies, and to tell them that I loved them and I was so sorry. I went to go upstairs to the toilet as I knew the miscarriage was going to happen but as I walked up two steps, I miscarried. I fell to the floor in a heep, I was crying my eyes out, I have never felt my heart break so much. my mum gently took my hand and took me up to the bathroom, where she held me untill it stopped. After I felt guilty but relieved. I knew that I could finally get on with my life and be a good mum to my daughter. Having an abortion changed my life totally, every day i think about my babies, what they would look like, their personalities, but I know that I will see them again one day, and I can tell them why I did what I did.

Thank you for reading this.

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Posted 1 Jan 2005.

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