Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

Even though it hurt inside, I know I did the right thing

by Heather
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I'm sixteen years old and got pregnant. I was with this guy and he told me he loved me. When I told him I was pregnant the first thing he said to me was, "HAVE AN ABORTION"! I knew right then and there that he never loved me and that day he left me. He was only fifteen and he didn't want his mother to find out. (She eventually did.) I knew I couldn't support a baby. After all, I'm only sixteen and I have no money and still in school and the baby's father didn't want anything to do with me or the baby. My parents told me that I was stupid for doing it unprotected and even stupider for thinking I can keep it. So I eventually decided that I would go through with the abortion. My mom made the appointment on Tuesday, April 5th for 11:00 am.

We drove there and I was fine on the drive there and wasn't scared at all. Finally, we got there and I walked in and there it hit me, I knew it was for real. I signed all these papers and talked to a counselor. The nurse opened the door and called me in and they took my vitals and my blood pressure. She also did a sonogram -- took a picture of my baby and printed it out. I asked to see it and she said at my age it wouldn't be the best thing for me. The stupid wench, it was my baby and she had the nerve to say that. They sent me into this other room where they were to do the procedure. My mom sat with me the whole time and stayed with me the whole way through.

We waited for the doctor and what seemed like forever was in reality only like fifteen minutes. The door opened and in walked the doctor and a nurse. He asked me if I had any questions and I said, Is it gonna hurt? As I started crying, he said, No, it's not going to hurt, just sit back and relax. He put the IV in my arm and said I was not going to remember anything in about thirty seconds.

I woke up crying, not remembering anything, and was put in a wheel chair and taken to the recovery room. The nurse asked me if I was in any pain and I said yes. I was in so much pain I could hardly sit. I was the only one in the room who was crying and I was so doped up from the sedative.

They sent me home with pain killers and put me on bed rest for the rest of the week. I didn't talk to anyone for the rest of the night. I was so heart broken that I had killed my baby and that I had let that doctor rip my baby from my body. I couldn't look at myself in the mirror. I felt like a cold-hearted murderer. Now I have to wonder for the rest of my life, day in and day out, what my baby would have looked like, what it would have grown up to become, and so forth. I am so heartbroken that I killed my baby.

I never believed in abortion and to this day wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I just want anyone out there to know that it is a very hard decision and if I had to do it all over again I wouldn't. I would have kept my baby. I will love my baby no matter whether or not it's here or with God. But now I know that even though I couldn't give my baby everything, I know God will and now my baby can be up there with my little sister who died from a miscarriage.

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Posted 9 Jun 2005.

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