Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

I don't think it had a soul

by Erika A
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I was 18 and had been with my boyfriend for a year. We always used protection. Afterwards he would say he thought he knew when exactly I was impregnated; the condom must have broken, but he wasn't sure at the time.

I had been moody for at least two weeks. Easily angered, and quick to cry. When I found out, I cried harder than I ever have in my life. I felt... violated. Like there was a disgusting creature inside me, eating me from the inside out. It was, without doubt, the worst time of my life. Luckily my family was supportive, and my boyfriend. I was awful to him. I hated when he touched me. I felt like I was dirty, ruined, used up. He was so fresh and untouched.

The actual abortion was far better. I was 5 weeks along. The nurses were amazing, so sweet and understanding. There was a picture of a sun on the ceiling above the bed. The procedure itself felt strange, but not painful. It seemed like they were using a vacuum that relied on human strength, but I was pretty drugged up and that's certainly not what was happening. It was over quickly. I asked the nurses if I was pregnant anymore and they didn't say anything. I guess they thought I might freak out or something, but I just wanted to make sure it was gone. I sat in the recovery room for a while and made a paper airplane that I was absurdly impressed with.

I have never once regretted my decision. I don't know if I ever even want kids. There's no way I would've been a fit mother at 18. I never thought it was more than a bundle of cells with a lot of potential. I don't think it had a soul. The abortion was a relief.

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Posted Feb 16, 2012

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