Aborted Women: In Their Own Words

Twilight

by Bonnie V
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I had an abortion when I was 17. At the time I just though of the child as something that wasn't alive yet but still a part of my body, some sort of appendage. I went to the clinic with that idea in my head and laid down on the table to have my baby taken out of me, no big deal.

They use a drug they call "Twilight" to render you immobilized during the procedure. You're still completely conscious through all of it, you just can't move any part of your body or speak. So they stick the needle in my arm with the drug in it and right as it kicks in they give me an ultrasound. My face was pointing toward the monitor that show a picture of a visible living baby. He was moving and I could see his head and arms and legs, everything. Once I realized the baby was alive I opened my mouth to tell the doctor to stop what he was doing. That's when the Twilight kicked in and there was nothing I could do but silently stare at a picture of my baby who was being hacked up and killed inside of me, and it was my fault. The only thing I managed to do throughout the procedure was cry.

The nurse called my mother to pick me up because as soon as the Twilight kicked in I started crying and didn't stop for a week. It changed my life forever and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about that day and regret what I did. Every time something bad happens to me regardless of whether or not I had any control over it I call it Karma and blame myself. I went job corps for a while and while I was there I was talking about my experience once with my roommates and found out they all had abortions also. Every one of them hated themselves for doing it and think about what a bad person they are every day to this day.

I'm 24 now and I'm pregnant. Because I'm not married to the father (although we are together) my family has asked me to abort this child. I don't understand how someone could have the audacity to tell you to kill your own child. I'm agnostic so this has nothing to do with being pro-life, because I'm not, I'm pro-choice. Abortion is a question of morality and it's not my place to judge someone else's morals. However, I wish more girls would talk to people who have had abortions. Maybe that should be a requirement if you want to get one. These girls need to be prepared for all of the psychological pain they will go through for the rest of their lives.


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Posted Feb 20, 2010

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