Would you know what to do if someone you know was thinking about having an abortion?

by Dawn Slike
Pregnant Pause Home Aborted Women Search this site

You can’t just do nothing.

Whether she’s your friend, or your friend’s daughter, or your relative, or a coworker, or your neighbor, or “the friend of a friend of a friend,” she’s feeling pressured by her pregnancy, probably pressured by her boyfriend, or her parents, or his parents, or maybe even her own friends, or her boss … and she’s more than a little bit scared about her future. To her, abortion might seem to be the only “choice” she has.

But it’s not a good choice.

Abortion will kill her innocent baby. Abortion will take its toll on all her relationships. Abortion will come back to haunt her again and again. Furthermore, an abortion now might cause her problems with a future pregnancy. And abortion, especially an abortion before her first full-term pregnancy, is known to cause an increased risk of breast cancer.

Your friend may not care about any of these things right now. But you should.

What can you do for her?

First, PRAY.

God created the child inside her womb. He does not want His child to be killed. If you ask for His gift of wisdom and for a calm heart, He will help you determine how you can best persuade her to allow her child to continue living.

FIND OUT if she has received any counseling yet. It’s possible she may not yet have taken a pregnancy test. There are many safe agencies nearby such as Birthright, Womankind, BirthCare and Alternaterm, where she can receive a free pregnancy test and helpful, no-pressure counseling and direction. [See if she needs a ride, and help her make an appointment.]

IF SHE HAS ALREADY SCHEDULED AN APPOINTMENT AT AN ABORTION FACILITY, you must try very hard to discourage her from keeping it. If she gets a positive pregnancy result at an abortion facility, this will trigger the abortion “counselor” to pressure your friend to make a decision to terminate the life of her unborn child. Abortion facilities do not serve women. They pit women against their unborn babies by selling abortions.

If your friend is under 18 years old, the laws of many states will be on your side. This young woman cannot procure an abortion legally without notifying at least one of her parents, or she must pursue a judicial bypass. This process would require her to stand before a judge and explain the reason she cannot tell her parents she wants to have an abortion.

However, some minors have been known to produce someone else’s identification to get around the law. Abortion facilities in general are not particularly interested in learning too much about the people to whom they sell abortions. They run a business.

ENCOURAGE HER to talk with her parents if she still hasn’t told them she is pregnant.

But if she is deathly afraid of their reaction, perhaps you can offer to be with her to support her when she talks with them.

Most of the time, parents cope very well with this news. But sometimes the reaction can be negative and hurtful. Sometimes it’s the mother, the father, the stepmother or the stepfather who will try to force the daughter to undergo an abortion. Sometimes a parent or stepparent will threaten to “throw her out” if she doesn’t comply.

In this situation, the laws of most if not all states are on her side. As a pregnant mother, she can exercise her freedom to choose to keep her pregnancy. There are other places she can live temporarily. There are caring people who will help her through her struggles with family relationships.

She does not have to abort her baby, regardless of what other people may be telling her. (Please read our brochure COERCED ABORTION IS NOT RIGHT AND NOT LEGAL!.

NOW: whether she’s waiting for her appointment at a local life-affirming agency, or instead she’s determined to stiff-upper-lip her way through an abortion, the time spent waiting should be used to educate her. Talk to her (and show her some of our literature) about the beautiful and precious life now growing inside her. Spend a little time explaining to her that the gift of life is the gift of hope. Try to impress upon her that even though this unintended preg-nancy feels like a crisis right now, in reality it’s not. Assure her that there are lots of people out there who can offer her help and support, helping her meet whatever needs she may find herself facing in the coming months.

Whether this young woman is someone you barely know or someone very close to you, she will be touched and reassured by your kindness and your words of support. The very fact that you’ve shared your time and compassion with her will communicate to her what you’ve been trying to put into words:


Carenet 1-800-395-HELP (4357)
Birthright National 1-800-550-4900
National Life Center 1-800-848-LOVE (5683)


MENTOR OH 440-255-5257


Written by Dawn Elizabeth Slike
for Lake County Right to Life
Revised April 2009

Pregnant Pause Home Aborted Women Search this site

Posted June 28, 2009

Copyright 2009 by Dawn Slike.
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